If a painful memory from childhood or your past is getting in the way of your current life, try updating it, says psychologist Marisa Franco, author of the book Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment, published in September.
As your current self, go back in time and give your younger self the reassurance you needed to hear back then. This approach, called "reparenting," is based on memory reconsolidation theory, based on the work of behavioral neuroscientist Karim Nader.
"It's about looking back at these memories, giving yourself catharsis and allowing those feelings to move through you more so they don't continue to shape your sense of self right now," Franco said.
Franco outlined instructions for how to do the reparenting exercise. Start by choosing a troubling memory that still hurts, then describe the memory in two sentences. Write down all the ways the memory has impacted you.
Next, close your eyes and focus on the memory, noting what you see, hear, touch, taste and feel. As your younger self, ask for any reassurance you need from your current self, then provide it, and write down what you asked for and what you offered. Finally, write down the ways the updated memory impacts you.
A printable worksheet for the exercise is available, and readers who try it are invited to email lifekit@npr.org with their experience of completing the prompt.
The newsletter also highlighted other Life Kit coverage on self-esteem, including guidance on accepting compliments, a quiz on attachment styles with neuroscientist Amir Levine, tips on quashing negative self-talk, and advice on how to stop stewing about something taken personally.